How To Build A Rock Wall
(Based on a true story)


Ingredients:

50 bags cemente
7 bags lime
14 pickup loads assorted rocks (gathered from local arroyo)
9 pickup loads sand (unscreened from local arroyo)
1 pick-up truck (slightly dented, push to start, torn speaker on dash w/plastic Jesus, knife below seat)
3 shovels (1 with broken handle, 1 belongs to Ramone who's grandfather once killed a rattler with it)
1 Hoe (the big kind, well used w/ duct tape on handle)
1 wheel barrow (rusty w/ leaky tire)
1 large barrel for hauling water (stolen from somewhere, no one remembers where)
1 Five Gal. bucket for moving water (old plaster pail w/ old plaster inside)
2 Cement trowels (rusty)
30 6 packs of Budweiser Beer
20 Calvert Extra miniatures
1/2 Oz. weed (local, homegrown)
5 Drunks (local, assorted, one w/ gold tooth, all have tattoos, 3 have done time)
3 Weeks (w/ sun, rain, snow, sleet & wind)


Mixing:

Mix above ingredients and stand back

Note: Do not add all of the Bud and Calvert at once as this tends
to make some of the other ingredients temporarily unusable

Result:

180 empty Bud cans (some in wall, rest strewn about)
5 Hr. debate about who does what and who goes for more beer
1 fight over who gets last Calvert miniature
20 empty miniature bottles (some in wall, rest tossed about)
A lot of cursing and talk about women (mostly in Spanglish)
A lot of exaggerated stories, based loosely on historic events
145 Hrs. Spanglish language lessons (Is free, No ?)
1 lost trowel
1 Bonfire with empty cement & lime bags & plastic 6 pack rings (do not stand down-wind)
1 Dirty wheelbarrow (Is no my job man)
2 45' walls 4' high (slightly irregular)
5 Local drunks crying for more beer


Entertainment Options:

2 Dog packs fighting over the area surrounding the wall
Neighbors and friends who drop by to discuss the progress of the wall and ask:
“do you have another beer ?”


Saftey Tips:

1) If you expect to stay in the neighborhood, it is advisable to employ the most sober Drunk to collect all of the Bud cans and Calvert bottles from your neighbors yard.
2) Pay for the Vet bill resulting when your dogs bit your neighbors dog..
3) Pay for the stitches required after the fight over the last Calvert minature even though the other guy started it.



Advice:

Paint all of your tools bright pink
Require all drunks and neighbors to sign liability releases prior to next project